Holding Too Tight
by Jesus Power
Summary: Mika. Her story. Mature for language and blood. OC.


_Screams…_

_Running…_

_Flames…_

It was all my fault. I ruined everything. That one night. All because I didn't say anything. It had been the wrong time to keep my fucking mouth shut.

_Destruction…_

_Desperation…_

_Death…_

I hated having to know. Knowing what was coming. Waiting.

_Isolation…_

_Frightened…_

_Blood…_

I had been in my room. Just writing in my journal. Pondering whether I should tell my family or not. The next thing I know I was running to the kitchen. Only to see my mother get killed.

"_Oh Kami! Please! No, don't, I-urk"_

The dark figure just cut her off. Cut her head clean off. Blood was spattered everywhere. The table, the counter, the walls. Even my face. I felt tears running down my face as well. And then the shape was advancing towards me. His sword was glistening dark red with blood. My mother's blood.

_Cowering…_

_Fearful…_

_Hopeful…_

I had cowered like a baby in the corner. Crying. Waiting for death. As the ninja crept forward, I whined pitifully. My father was suddenly in front of me, posed like he was trying to protect me. From that awful ninja. He held in his hands his twin broadswords.

"_RUN!" he had yelled at me. "Get away from here!"_

And then I watched my father die too. I remember picking up one of his broadswords. I was five, but I could hold the thing easily. The black clad person advanced on me again. A creepy smile was on his face.

_Thump…_

_  
Thump…_

_Thump…_

I don't remember if it was my heart thumping in my chest or my brother on the stairs. It could have been both. I got scared and turned to run down the stairs. I ran straight into my brother. His eyes were wide with shock. Only for a moment, though. Then he coughed up blood and pulled the sword out of his stomach. And fell down the stairs.

_Tha-thump_

_Tha-thump_

_Tha-thump_

I felt adrenaline pumping through my veins. I turned around and faced the assassin. He had frozen in his spot. Smiling a bit. Then he turned away, off to kill another clan member. Sparing my life. My body told me not to let him get away.

_Shink_

My sword clashed with his kunai. He started to take out his sword, but I hit his stomach from the side. It sliced him in half. More blood spattered the walls. Even more on my face. I felt like I was being controlled. By a monster.

"_Stop! Don't make me do this!"_

I felt tears going down my cheeks again. But I wiped them away.

"_No. You will do this! We're like this!"_

I heard a laugh. Not my own. Belonging to another me. Inside me. My hand found it's way up to my forehead. My fingers trailed through the sticky blood that had gotten on me before. Then my fingers were in my mouth. They tasted metallic and salty. Then all was dark. Except for the lit up expressions of my clan members. As I killed them all. Their screams of pain were etched into my mind.

"_Why, Mika? Why??"_

And then it was over. I was found three days later, in an Earth-style jutsu I had encased myself in. I had to go to the hospital. I was half starved. The medical ninjas kept fussing over me. I just wanted to forget. Forget it all. But there was no way that would happen.

I was put into the mental part of the hospital. I had three ninjas with me at all times. They would make sure I followed the rules. Did nothing wrong. Did everything as I had been instructed. Correcting me harshly. Beatings. I was forced through this life for five more years. By then I was old enough to go to the academy. With bodyguards, of course.

"_But why can't I go alone? Aren't I better now? I'm older now!"_

_A sad smile._

"_Not just yet, Mika. We just want to help you."_

"_You can help me by leaving me alone!"_

_Tears._

The next two years I was in a straight-jacket. For trying to kill everyone around me in a fit of rage. They fed me regularly, paying close attention so I couldn't throw it up. One week they forgot to check if I was keeping food down. The whole week I worked on throwing everything up. Hoping to starve myself. I was wasted away to almost nothing. They immediately put me into a deep sleep for a day so I wouldn't fight the flow of nutrients flowing into my body.

"_She's insane!"_

_Whispers._

"_Why the hell did she try to starve herself??"_

_Pain._

"_I hear she killed her family."_

The whispers sucked. But I ignored them. Then came the day a medical ninja told me they were going to try something else. To help me forget. I was knocked out.

_Clunk_

I woke up with a migraine. I was told my name was Dawn, and I was just in for a checkup. I was free to go to the academy again. I believed them. At the ninja academy, I heard all the whispers. All the rumors. I believed those, too.

"_She thinks her name is Dawn!"_

"_How stupid. Mika is just a murderer."_

Day by day my life got worse. And then it all exploded. I was sent back into a straight-jacket. In the mental institute. In court. Under the charge of murder.

"_Mika, will you please tell us why you murdered two children?"_

"_I…I didn't. I swear! Mika did it!"_

"_You are Mika, child"_

"_..The other me! I'm not lying!" _

"…_?"_

"…_The one who comes out when I'm scared…"_

I was fourteen when I finally found a way to not be controlled by her. Live my own life. Forget. Well, a little bit. I was released into the world one day. It was the true beginning to my life.

"_You are free to go now, Mika."_

"_Thank you for your help."_

I went through the motions. Learning to fight. Work with a team. I passed early and became a jounin in the Sand Village at age sixteen. I had lots of help from my faithful team of summons. My only friends.

"_I love you guys! Thanks for being my summons…and my friends..."_

"_Mrow!!"_

Dawn came into the world early morning. An adorable white tiger cub with a mother and no father. I had just recently moved into the Hidden Leaf Village. Two weeks after she was born, I became a jounin of this village. My official status.

"_Mrow?"_

"_Yes, we can celebrate. I'm glad you have you on my team!"_

Now I watch the stars and moon at night. My cat summons loved to lay with me. Dawn tilted her head at me. "Mrow?" Nothing. She bit down on my thumb. "OW! What is it??" Dawn climbed gingerly onto my chest. She huddled close to my body, her baby fur tickling my nose. I wrapped an arm around her, keeping the white cub warm. "Meow" "You too, Dawn. You too."


End file.
